The Art of Gathering: How to Build Communities That Actually Matter
A field guide from someone who's done it on five continents —one real conversation at a time
📖 Read Time: 7 minutes
📩 What you'll take: A blueprint for creating the kinds of gatherings people remember years later, and why your next dinner party might change everything.
"We are not going to be able to operate our Spaceship Earth successfully nor for much longer unless we see it as a whole spaceship and our fate as common. It has to be everybody or nobody." — Buckminster Fuller
Fuller understood something most of us have forgotten: we're designed for connection, not isolation. Yet here we are, more "connected" than ever and lonelier than we've ever been.
I didn't set out to become a community builder. I just got tired of surface-level conversations and started creating the spaces I wanted to exist in.
For fifteen years, I've lived nomadically - a lifestyle that began before I was even a year old. My dad worked full time at NASA and then taught at universities over Summer’s so we wound up traveling for 3 months out of the year; living in a new country, learning a new language & building new friendships. What started as youthful “Summering” quickly became a masterclass in human connection. I've built friendships on hotel rooftops in San Fermin, skydiving in Switzerland, at wellness expos in Austin, surfing the beaches in Florianópolis & kitesurfing in Cumbuco. As a byproduct I helped inspire movements via brands and individuals professionally, but what I was really doing was weaving webs of belonging.
When I taught English to Hungarian millionaires in a mansion in Eger, I learned that wealth doesn’t inoculate you from loneliness - and that curiosity bridges more gaps than perfect grammar ever could.
Kitesurfing with a well-known bikini brand owner in Brazil, I discovered that sexuality and elegance pair beautifully - and that confidence looks different on everyone.
While drinking calimocho at San Fermin during the running of the bulls with an immigration lawyer, I learned that courage isn’t always loud—and that reinvention often finds us in the most unexpected places.
From mitochondriac dinners in Buenos Aires to impromptu mate ceremonies after polar plunges - you can’t help but become a student of what makes humans feel truly seen.
Looking back, it's clear: community isn't just nice to have. It's the difference between surviving and thriving.
The Medicis Got It Right
In 15th-century Florence, the Medici family didn't just collect art - they created the conditions for Renaissance genius to emerge. Their salons brought together artists, philosophers, merchants, and mystics. No formal agenda. No PowerPoint presentations. Just the right people, the right questions, and enough wine to loosen tongues.
The result? They accidentally midwifed the Renaissance.
What the Medicis understood - and what we've forgotten in our LinkedIn-obsessed world - is that magic happens in the margins. In the conversations that unfold when you stop trying so hard to be impressive and start getting curious about the person across from you.
The Blueprint: Seven Principles for Gatherings That Matter
1. Start with the Sacred Why Every gathering needs a gravitational center. Not a business objective or a networking goal—a reason that makes people feel something. Why these people? Why this moment? Why now?
"The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away." — Pablo Picasso. Your gathering should feel like both: a place where people discover parts of themselves they didn't know existed, and a space where they can offer those gifts freely.
2. Curate for Chemistry, Not Clout The most electric dinner party I ever attended had zero Instagram followers and infinite soul. A retired philosophy professor, a single mother who ran a food truck, a teenage climate activist, and a venture capitalist who'd just sold his company. What they shared wasn't status - it was curiosity.
Don't invite the most impressive people you know. Invite the most interested ones.
3. Let Space Hold You Whether it's a candlelit rooftop or someone's kitchen table, what matters isn't the Instagram-ability of your venue - it's whether people feel safe enough to drop their masks. The most profound conversations I've witnessed happened in the most humble spaces.
4. Design for Emergence, Not Entertainment Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, says it best: "Don't be a chill host." But I'd add: don't be a controlling one either. Create a container strong enough to hold whatever wants to emerge, then get out of the way.
5. Keep It Beautifully Simple One clear intention. One question worth exploring. One moment they'll remember three years from now. If you need slides, you're probably building performance, not intimacy.
6. Sweat the Small Stuff Logistics are love language. Where do people park? Is there a place to put their coat? Can they find the bathroom without asking? These details seem minor until they're not. Taking care of these things is how you take care of people.
7. Hold the Field You don't need to be the most interesting person in the room. You need to be the most interested. Your energy sets the tone for everyone else. If you can't hold steady presence, find someone who can - but never outsource the intention.
Why Alcoholics Anonymous Works (And What Your Book Club Can Learn)
I’ve experienced many a pop-up community by building retreat centers in Mexico and backstage at TED talks - but AA was an interesting one. I went with a friend a couple years ago. It was in a church basement, fluorescent lights humming, folding chairs arranged in a circle.
What made it work?
Shared vulnerability: Everyone there had skin in the game
Ritual and rhythm: Same time, same place, same opening words
No hierarchy: The newcomer and the old-timer sat side by side
Radical honesty: No performance, no Instagram highlight reel
Clear purpose: Everyone knew why they were there
That's the anatomy of community that endures. And you can bring that same spirit to your dinner table. While I don’t love the container of AA for many many reasons - the above are worthwhile takeaways.
The Salon Tradition: From 18th-Century Paris to Your Living Room
In 18th-century Paris, Madame Geoffrin's salon was where Voltaire debated philosophy, artists unveiled their latest works, and revolution was quietly planned over tea and conversation. These weren't networking events—they were intellectual sanctuaries where ideas could cross-pollinate and souls could breathe.
The format was simple: interesting people, good questions, and a host who cared more about the quality of conversation than the quality of the canapés.
You can recreate this in your living room. Pick a theme. Invite six people who've never met. Ask one question that matters. See what happens.
Start Where You Are
"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." — African Proverb
You don't need a personal brand or a platform. You need courage and curiosity. Start with Sunday dinner. Start with a monthly walk. Start with the question you've been afraid to ask.
The world doesn't need more events. It needs more spaces where people remember who they are when they're not performing for an audience.
And maybe - just maybe - you're the one to create it.
The Rooms That Shaped Me
I started this newsletter with one intention: to help my readers feel like they're in the right room.
In my burgeoning wellness real estate investing career, I've been incredibly fortunate to work for giants who allowed me to be privy to conversations in boardrooms that you'd only imagine in movies. Something unique to real estate investing is that you can be an entrepreneur competing in an institutional arena, where you're exposed to sophisticated capital deployment, market timing strategies, and demographic shifts that drive billion-dollar investment theses. Being brought to the table for these discussions has been transformative - it's fundamentally changed how I see the world.
The characters, places, and stories that are engraved onto my frontal lobe have inspired me to tell stories - not just about deals, but about all the emotions that come with them.
My life has been built in the spaces between cities, in the invitations I said yes to and the ones I created from scratch. Every room taught me something different. Every conversation left its mark.
That's what this is about. That's what makes life worth staying for.
If you're craving connection that goes beyond small talk, if you want to be in rooms where conversations actually matter - let's build them together.
Let's create the right rooms, one gathering at a time.
Join the Vita Dare Community
If you've made it this far, rad. You're clearly not just interested in quick fixes or surface-level optimization. You're here because you understand that real vitality isn't just about biohacking your meat suit - it's about designing a life worth living.
Vita Dare isn't another wellness newsletter promising you the secret to immortality. It's an ecosystem for those who want to play the long game - folks who f*cking crave depth over dopamine, meaning over metrics and aliveness over mere optimization. Through science-backed insights, poetic precision, and frameworks that actually work we'll explore what it means to live fully: to feel strong, clear and connected long enough to build something impactful & beautiful with people you care about.
This is for entrepreneurs who've realized that burning out isn't a badge of honor. For biohackers who want to optimize for joy - not just "not dyng". For anyone designing a life that gives more than it takes. Because you're not here to optimize your life away - you're here to live it.